Got this from Hafizul's blog.

"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."
Strong words by Friedrich Nietzsche.

However, just how true is this axiom?
What if you face such a devastating tragedy in life, that will forever alter that carefree part of you that trusts and believes the world out there?
Is suspicion of others, and being tight on your guard, truly what defines, being "strong"?

I cannot possibly compare to others who are much younger and have faced worse than I; child abuse, prostitution, femine, drought, et cetera.
However, I do feel as if I have lost that happy and trusting side of me.

Best friends, do you remember how I was back in Sec 1-3?
I made jokes 24/7, I was bloody outspoken and I couldn't care less about anything, besides studies.
I wonder, do you girls miss that old me?
Anyway, that side of me died when I got my first heartbreak.

Abdul El-Mateen.
We were infactuated for about 6 months.
I don't say love, because the only love between us was platonic.
We were more like best friends, rather than lovers.
We were young and stupid.
Sometimes, I wish we never tried to be more than friends.
Because part of our friendship was lost when we broke up.

Anyway, he broke my heart when he left me.
(Secondary school politics were common back then)
I tried to believe that he'd come back,
so I kept trying to get him back for 3 months.
Those 3 months, I stayed loving him only.

Though in the end, it backfired.
He had more girlfriends after me.
To think back, those 3 months I spent crying myself to sleep..
Wasted.

Then I met Muhammad Hafiz.
He is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me.
He helped me realise how immature I was back then.
I grew up together with him.
I've known him for almost 2 years now,
talking to him almost everyday.

In the course of my maturing,
I have hurt him countless of times and vice-versa.
But I never held any grudge.
Because some of what I did was unforgivable.
Though he did forgive me in time.

See, now do you understand why I was so devastated when he left me?
He was my teacher and my guide.
He helped me become the matured and almost responsible person I am today,
even if he lacks that quality himself.

Words cannot describe the emptiness I felt when he left me.
I was..just broken.
Up to a point where I couldn't cry anymore,
and all I could do was sit and stare.
Not eating, not talking, not smiling, not laughing.
Spiralling depression, maybe?

Anw, I kinda lost my point.
"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger".
Sometimes what doesn't kill you damages you for life.
Example,
I got heartbroken, and I lost my trust to love.

Simple.

ttfn
xoxo

Labels: quotes

All poems in this blog are mine, unless stated otherwise (: